Repeat Cesarean and Accepting Defeat

Apparently, my chances of having the VBAC delivery are dwindling.  There are three midwife practices in Prince George.  They are all booked up.  After my craptastic appointment with Dr. T, I have little hope of getting a VBAC delivery from an OB/Gyn.

I really, really didn’t want to be forced into a repeat cesarean.  Not wanting to be forced into a repeat cesarean was one of the biggest reasons that we were looking into using a midwife.  But there’s no chance of using a midwife now.

I’m so, so very disappointed.  I went through a time of crying.  I’m angry.  If Dr. T hadn’t wasted my time with waiting for an appointment with him, perhaps I could have gotten in with a midwife.  But instead, I got screwed.  I’m twelve weeks pregnant and change, and I don’t even have a freaking plan in place for prenatal care.  I feel cheated.

I feel like I have no choice, and I’m going to have to have an unnecessary surgery that I don’t want.

I’m already frustrated with everything being up in the air.  And now I’m just so angry.

Of course, even if Dr. T hadn’t essentially strung me along by making an appointment instead of just saying right off the bat that he wouldn’t be available to deliver, I still wouldn’t have been able to get a midwife.  There are a grand total of three in my city.  And they work in the towns that are within an hour or two of Prince George, too.  So, yeah.  If you don’t call to book with a midwife the second you get that second line, forget it.

My poor husband, of course, has no clue what to do.  He wants to fix it, but there’s really no way to do so.

Hopefully, there will be a doctor in my city that will support my VBAC delivery preference.  If I’m lucky.  I’ll definitely have to give birth in the hospital (and on the bright side, they can’t try to give me pitocin this time around), and I won’t get to have a water birth even though the hospital does have the option available.

Either way, it just seems like my options are being taken away from me.  And the funny thing is, two years ago, these options never even interested me.  Go figure.  So what’s changed?  Why is this something important to me now?

About Suzi

Suzi is an American ex-pat living in British Columbia. She's a cloth diaper addict, wife, mom of three, and President of the Prince George chapter of Cloth for a Cause.

Comments

  1. Maybe this isn’t the right comment to leave, or what you want to hear right now — because it does sound like you’re grieving a little (from having your options taken from you) which means that anger is part of the process and something you need to feel.

    And of course, my perspective is limited, as I am a mom of two who has had two C-sections (including one just four months ago).

    But I don’t focus on what I couldn’t/didn’t have. I have two healthy babies, and that is the greatest gift ever.

    I don’t feel cheated, I feel blessed.

    I came from a place where I didn’t even know if I could have kids, AND where I am a carrier of a genetic condition which I easily could have passed on. THAT I was able to conceive and THAT they arrived healthy is far more important than HOW they got here.

    So, please, take all my words with a grain of salt, but there’s way more positive here than negative.

    • Don’t think that I’m not happy to be pregnant or grateful for my son and my pregnancy. However, I am not a fan of surgery that isn’t medically necessary, and even the OB/Gyn who said he wouldn’t do my prenatal care if I didn’t have a repeat c-section said that there’s no reason I can’t go for a VBAC. Unnecessary surgery with a tough recovery while having a toddler to chase after is not something that I’m looking forward to.

      But all hope isn’t lost. I may not be able to have a midwife, but a friend pointed out that it’s not like they can perform surgery without my consent.

      • I totally hear you. On all fronts. Both of my sections were necessary, though I had briefly hoped that I could have a VBAC for the second.

        And my daughter was 22 months when my son was born, so I understand the trials of recovery + newborn + toddler.

        I think I’m just saying that, if it doesn’t go the way you want, the happy ending is the most important part. 🙂

        • If it’s necessary, of course, I’m going to tell them to go grab the scalpel. 🙂 Of course I haven’t lost sight of the ultimate goal of having a healthy baby at the end.

Trackbacks

  1. […] freaked out and upset about not being able to get a midwife.  I was certain that I was going to end up with a repeat cesarean, whether I want one or not.  And, yeah, there were more than a few tears.  This is one of those […]

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