Repeat Cesarean and Accepting Defeat

Repeat Cesarean and Accepting Defeat (Cloth Diaper Addicts)Apparently, my chances of having the VBAC delivery are dwindling.  There are three midwife practices in Prince George.  They are all booked up.  After my craptastic appointment with Dr. T, I have little hope of getting a VBAC delivery from an OB/Gyn.  I really, really didn’t want to be forced into a repeat cesarean.  Not wanting to be forced into a repeat cesarean was one of the biggest reasons that we were looking into using a midwife.  But there’s no chance of using a midwife now.

I’m so, so very disappointed.  I went through a time of crying.  I’m angry.  If Dr. T hadn’t wasted my time with waiting for an appointment with him, perhaps I could have gotten in with a midwife.  But instead, I got screwed.  I’m twelve weeks pregnant and change, and I don’t even have a freaking plan in place for prenatal care.  I feel cheated.

I feel like I have no choice, and I’m going to have to have an unnecessary surgery that I don’t want.  The last thing that I want is a repeat cesarean, especially if I don’t need it.

I’m already frustrated with everything being up in the air.  And now I’m just so angry.

Of course, even if Dr. T hadn’t essentially strung me along by making an appointment instead of just saying right off the bat that he wouldn’t be available to deliver, I still wouldn’t have been able to get a midwife.  There are a grand total of three in my city.  And they work in the towns that are within an hour or two of Prince George, too.  So, yeah.  If you don’t call to book with a midwife the second you get that second line, forget it.

My poor husband, of course, has no clue what to do.  He wants to fix it, but there’s really no way to do so.

Hopefully, there will be a doctor in my city that will support my VBAC delivery preference.  If I’m lucky.  I’ll definitely have to give birth in the hospital (and on the bright side, they can’t try to give me pitocin this time around), and I won’t get to have a water birth even though the hospital does have the option available.

Either way, it just seems like my options are being taken away from me.  And the funny thing is, two years ago, these options never even interested me.  Go figure.  So what’s changed?  Why is this something important to me now?

About Suzi

Suzi is an American ex-pat living in British Columbia. She's a cloth diaper addict, wife, mom of three, and President of the Prince George chapter of Cloth for a Cause.

Comments

  1. When I saw this on twitter, I had assumed that you had a trial of labour that had failed. I would not lose hope at this point in time – you are twelve weeks pregnant. Have you seen the Power to Push website? They are BC based and might have information for you to facilitate your choice. Further – there are many doctors who are very supportive of VBAC, who want to make sure that women have access to this choice AND have safe births. I support your choice to VBAC – but would encourage you to do so in a hospital – from what I have read on this subject, if a uterine rupture does occur access to a cesarean is needed immediately in order to avoid brain damage. Midwives do not have a monopoly on compassion.
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    • I’ve actually had that baby, and she’s now a year and a half. 🙂 We did end up having a repeat c-section after a failed VBAC. She just wouldn’t descend and was experiencing fetal tachycardia. So, she came out via section. I’m good with it, though. She’s just perfectly perfect and wonderful.

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  1. […] freaked out and upset about not being able to get a midwife.  I was certain that I was going to end up with a repeat cesarean, whether I want one or not.  And, yeah, there were more than a few tears.  This is one of those […]

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