Sucking Up Parenting Fears – It’s Story Time

Today is toddler time at the library.  I’ve been saying that I was going to go back every week for the last month now… and I never do.  I always chicken out for one reason or another.  Quite simply, I’m letting my parenting fears hold me (and Norton) back.

I know the cause of my parenting fears.  The last time we attempted toddler time at the library, it wasn’t all that pretty.  Norton tried to run away from me in the stacks.  Norton hurt his arm and we ended up at the hospital for five hours.  And then, of course, there was the wonderful damage that this trip did to my parenting self-esteem.

I realized yesterday that in spite of all of my good intentions about going back to toddler time, I would never go on my own.  Ever.  Quite frankly, I still don’t like to take Norton anywhere on my own after the library fiasco and the one attempt I made at Strong Start.  I also realized that I needed to get past my parenting fears, suck it up, and go.  Being the lame, nervous person that I am, I told the husband that the only way it would happen is if he took us to the library and essentially made me go.  Even though I know I’m supposed to.  Even though I know that the speech pathologist recommended it at our last session.

So today, the husband is coming home to take us to the library.

Today is the day that I face my parenting fears.  I keep telling myself that it won’t be so bad this time; we’ll take Norton’s toddler leash with us, and we will not stay a single minute after toddler time is over.  By “we” I mean “Norton and me,” of course.  The husband will be at the office while I try to not melt down and try to keep Norton from melting down during a thirty minute activity.

It’ll be okay.  We’ll survive.  Maybe just facing it and surviving it is what I need to do, and I’ll come out of it a better mom.  Or at least, maybe a more confident one.  I have no fantasies, this time, about toddler behavior that makes me proud.  I’m sure I’ll get normal toddler behavior… including the crappy aspects of it.  But in the meantime?  I’m dreading it.  Parenting stress levels are already rising.  I’m just hoping I can handle that normal toddler behavior.

Have you ever had to take your child to something that terrified you?  How did you (and your kid) handle it?

Edited to add: Story time didn’t happen.  The husband didn’t start to leave his office until the time he was supposed to get here, which means we would have completely missed it.  And I’m pretty angry with him about that… but I’ll get over it.

About Suzi

Suzi is an American ex-pat living in British Columbia. She's a cloth diaper addict, wife, mom of three, and President of the Prince George chapter of Cloth for a Cause.

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