Baby Onesie Slogans – Some Aren’t Exactly Cute

Norton rocking an appropriate baby onesie slogan.

I love, love, love pithy baby onesie slogans.  The ones from Think Geek are often particularly awesome, like “I am the reason we can’t have nice things” and “Geekling.”  I love and kept some of the ones from when Norton was a baby, like “Daddy is my hero!”  But not all baby onesies slogans and designs are particularly awesome.  Actually, there are a few that I would never, ever put on my kid.  Not even if you paid me.  In fact, I would probably burn some of them.

“Does this diaper make me look fat?”  There are few things that I hate more than parents projecting their own bodily insecurities onto their children.  Yes, we have a childhood obesity epidemic.  The best way to resolve that is by feeding our kids nutritious food and booting them outside to play.  Having them start calorie counting… or worrying about if their diapers make them look fat… is not a message that I want to send.

“Hung like a five year old/preschooler.”  Um, no.  I can’t even start to go with all of the things that are wrong with this.  We’re already seeing children sexualized at an earlier and earlier age.  (Yes, Toddlers and Tiaras mom who thought it was appropriate to have your little girl dress up as hooker Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman and dance across the stage, I mean you.)  I refuse to encourage that sexualization of our children before they can even walk.  I certainly don’t want my son to be obsessed with the size of his genitalia.  I’m sure that there will be plenty of time for that when he’s older.  And even then… I’m his mother.  I don’t want to know.

“I’m with the MILF.”  Um, no.  Yes, I swear like a sailor (although I’m trying to minimize that since Norton is starting to repeat).  But I never, ever want to see/hear a kid use the word “MILF”, particularly in reference to their own mothers.  That’s just a little too Oedipal for my taste.  Yuck.

Some people will read that list and think that I don’t have a sense of humor.  I do.  It’s very dry and sarcastic, but it’s there.  Projecting our own issues and social flaws on our children isn’t funny to me.  Just like there are some onesies that other people have been known to get worked up over, like the skimpy bikini clad woman body onesies.  I didn’t get worked up about that one… but I’d sooner leave my daughter without a onesies on than put that one on her.

What do you think about some of the more “risqué” baby onesie slogans?

About Suzi

Suzi is an American ex-pat living in British Columbia. She's a cloth diaper addict, wife, mom of three, and President of the Prince George chapter of Cloth for a Cause.

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  1. […] week, I wrote a blog post about some tacky baby onesies that I would never, ever allow my children to wear.  My friend Heather over at the Parenting Patch […]

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