Question to Never Ask a Pregnant Woman

Everyone has to know that there are some things you just don’t ask.  There are places that you just don’t go.  However, it seems that with pregnancy, all bets are off.  People’s brains stop filtering.  That being said, there is one question to never ask a pregnant woman.

“Are ______________ excited?” (Fill in the blank with you, your partner, your parents, your other children, your dog, whatever.)

Question to Never Ask a Pregnant Woman (Cloth Diaper Addicts)What kind of question is that? I mean, seriously, if a person is pregnant and does not want to be pregnant, there are options available. Yes, some of those options are distasteful and even morally objectionable to some people, but those options do exist for a pregnant woman, nonetheless.

I’ve always told my students and my staff that there is no such thing as a stupid question. I’ve always believed that questions exist to clarify and obtain information. But what kind of moron would ask if someone is excited about their baby? Seriously, what do they think a pregnant woman going to say? “No?”

Even if our partner/parents/child/dog/whatever wasn’t excited, why would we tell this person that they’re dreading the impending arrival of our small human? Is it any of their business? In all honesty, if anyone important to you isn’t excited about the small human in your womb, you probably have someone else to talk to about it. And it’s not going to be someone who feels the need to ask!

For the record, my husband and I are cautiously excited. We had a miscarriage a couple of months ago. (There. I typed it. Now if I can actually *say* the word, then that might be considered progress.) I figure in another two weeks, we’ll be over the hump where things started to go wrong last time, and then we’ll be just plain excited.

The rest of my family doesn’t know yet. I haven’t communicated this news to anyone in my life but my medical professionals who need to know these details in order to treat me properly. Even so, I expect that they will all be happy, since they were last time.

But if they weren’t, why would I tell someone who feels the need to ask? If you have to ask, we’re not that close and I wouldn’t tell you anything beyond “everyone is thrilled”, anyway!

Now if only people would learn to think before they ask the same question, over and over and over….

What was the most obnoxious question that people asked you regarding your pregnancy?

Originally written for What to Expect on July 18, 2009.  That pregnancy is now a happy three year old boy.

About Suzi

Suzi is an American ex-pat living in British Columbia. She's a cloth diaper addict, wife, mom of three, and President of the Prince George chapter of Cloth for a Cause.

Comments

  1. Any questions about the pregnancy are inappropriate unless the woman herself has told you that she is 110% expecting.

  2. Darci Bean says:

    Oh man, some days I feel like I look pregnant and if someone asked me if I was pregnant I would be SO upset. I hate people that butt into your business.

    • Oh, that’s just so rude. Sometimes when I’m having a very fat day and someone makes a comment like that, I look visibly upset and tell them that it’s a cyst. Then they feel like jerks and are less likely to do it again in the future.

  3. Onica {MommyFactor} says:

    I remember being pregnant and getting some of the oddest questions. It’s good to give people some reminders

  4. AlannaB says:

    Most obnoxious question – “Why aren’t you married?”

    Really? Not that it was any of their business, but I would always reply :

    “See my fingers? It is as humid as heck out here and coupled with the fact that pregnancy causes my fingers to swell, I cannot wear my wedding ring.”

    I lived in Texas at the time and pregnant in the summer.

  5. sejrhone says:

    You look about ready to pop…. Hate this! and When are you due?

  6. Motherhood on the Rocks says:

    Are you having twins! So rude!

  7. carrieblackburn says:

    “Are you going to get “fixed” after this one?” and “You DO know what causes that, don’t you?”

  8. Stephanie F. says:

    That happens. People will ask either way. I guess we all pick out battles. Love the article.

  9. Jenny Patton says:

    I feel bad for pregnant women because I know the questions get sooo old, have seen this first hand with a good friend/coworker of mine. Poor thing!

  10. I always hated getting asked if we were trying or if it was a surprise. Who cares….like they need to know my sex life.

  11. I’ve talked about the questions I got during my pregnancy too… I agree that this one is stupid. I got tired of hearing “what are you having.” If I knew, I’d tell you, so don’t ask.

  12. The excited question didn’t bother me as much as “was this planned or an accident?” A lot of people in my graduating class did not plan a lot of their pregnancies but that does not mean we did. We were married for 4 years! The first person that asked that (her’s was unplanned), I told her that no we have been married for awhile, she cut in and was like “so it was time”, but her body language and facial expression was like “yeah after being married for that long, you kinda HAVE to have a baby”. It was weird and upsetting on how she said it.

  13. How do I pick Judy one question I hate?! “Are you trying for a girl?” -NOPE! We’re trying for a HEALTHY BABY! “It would be nice to have a girl don’t you think?” -YOU should try! Let me know how it goes! “Was it a surprise?” -Well unless I didn’t see you on the bathroom when I peed on the stick I suppose you would be surprised. “Are you going to take extra time off?” -lets just get to the end of Mat leave before you go for my job!

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